Psyched for Cycling

Dear Alsion Community,

Starting this upcoming school year, 2018-2019, there will be an adjustment to our schedule and curriculum. Our current model of five cycles, which are six weeks each and splits science and history into three-week half cycles, has proven to be an ineffective method for our teaching standards. We have used the cycle system as a way to learn as many subjects as possible in the most organized way. However, we see alternating between history and science as insufficient to keep our students academically in shape. In order to fit five more subjects, we have decided to change our six-week cycles into one-week cycles.

As a result, we will have eight subjects for the 35 weeks of school and each of the subjects will be organized into a separate five-week cycle. Ms. M and Mr. R will teach history while Ms. J will teach science as they have before. The new subjects we have decided to include into our curriculum will be scatology, cosmetology, oology, and we will create P.E. as a full-on graded class with assignments as well. Having more classes to study will expand the children’s knowledge, exposing them to possible career paths for their futures.

Because she mentioned her various far-flung travels around the world, Ms. E is the ideal choice to helm the scatology course.  She had noticed–after intense, nose-beguiling encounters with different cultures–that they had one thing in common: a rigorous, dispassionate study of poop.  From tea-colored stain marks that look eerily like human faces to desperate toilet-bowl smears, we can apparently tell not only what has been digested but one’s future.  Ms. E will therefore use photographic evidence, self-gathered particulates and cloudy test tubes as classroom material. She is confident students will learn more about life in these than in all the scatology philosophers write about in their high-falutin tomes.

Mr. B fought vigorously for the right to teach cosmetology.  Tired of numbers, theorems and discombobulated students, he now just wanted to beautify the latter.  Mr. B’s curriculum will start off by encouraging students to apply moisturizer so their faces won’t be flinty with make up; then like a skilled house painter, he will ask them to use a green primer; next would be the slathering of foundation three tones darker than their natural skin color; Rimmel concealer must be deeply rubbed afterwards to hide blemishes, pimples, warts, moustaches, blackheads, whiteheads and yellowheads; lastly, contouring should be used to define cheekbones for a decidedly respectable gladiator-like grimace.  Mr. B’s expertise in the field can be attributed to observing his daughter apply make up and watching hours of Jaclyn Hill.

Due to her love of fish, Ms. F is fond of observing tenderly her dear pet, Mijo, everyday, wondering how he could possibly be so perfect. But one day, a bird flew into her school room, snatching mijo from the bowl, leaving an egg behind in place of the fish. Ms. F is deeply saddened from the kidnapping of her fish, but this egg is nothing like she has seen before. Seeing this egg with intricate dots of green and blue, this sparked a new era in her learning. With her new passion for this egg and all the other eggs in the world, she has become obsessed with studying them. Having the expertise and this egg in a bowl, Ms. F cannot wait to spread her knowledge about all of the eggs around the world and the differences of each and everyone of them.

Looking back at her past, Ms. J was quite the popular gal in high school. Being the most accomplished wrestler on the team, she won every match she competed in. Her competitive demeanor and spirit took her all the way to an international championship. As she reached the final round, competing against someone double her height, she was faced with the match of her life. With much huffing and uncanny dexterity she won, setting her sights to becoming a professional wrestler. But in her senior year, during a match, she was pinned against the mat a little too hard, breaking her ribs. And that was the end of her wrestling career. She has now created a successful career by being a science teacher. Understandably, though, she has began to get tired of giving lectures all day, and grading tests and quizzes. She wants to get back to all the action that she once had in her life. Having been an athletic person all of her high school years, she is excited to be able to pass down to her students her knowledge and competitiveness, and to encourage the Alsion students to go after their dreams in sports, letting them know that anything is possible.

There will be a test for each subject at the end of the week in order to make sure the students are understanding the material. The classes will take place at the same time in the afternoon from 1:00 to 2:45 pm, Monday through Thursday. Fridays will be for current events and electives, which will be related to the new subjects, giving the students the opportunity to go further in depth about the topic if they like.

The entire school year will be filled with homework and may lead to stress, due to the added subjects. As a result, we have decided to remove one week from the five-week winter break, in order to have even weeks for each subject. The biome trip will continue to take place in April; however, due to the tight schedule, students will be expected to learn the material that would be taught in that week individually. They will take the final test for the subjects during the lunches of the next week and they will be sure to succeed.

We see this as a great opportunity for the students and hope they will be able to adjust and have as much fun in school as before. Thank you for understanding, and we hope to see you all next school year.

Sincerely,

The Faculty of the Alsion Montessori Middle School